Un

I was born under a pile of corpses. They nurtured and grew me into the malformed beast that I am. Heavy with death and blinded by darkness, I could see nothing of objective reality and could not move.
Can you see it? Chained in place by my biological link to the family of death and rot, the family of the world.
They would press me down under their weight, feeding off of me even as I fed off of them struggling for life, struggling to press my face up out of their coiled nest of flesh towards the sun. Where I could not go with body I had to go with mind.
I grew out into the darkness, into the strangeness, into places they could not touch. I dreamed a sun and a moon and countless stars burning in a vacuum, Hisssssssss. Burning stars like hearts forming bodies, solar systems pulled towards the gravity of their passion.
The heart is the first organ to form in the body of Adam. So it is in larger bodies that the star is first born and grows and collects smaller celestial objects to make its body. All bodies are made of love, love is gravity,  the glue, the lehadbik pulling strange bodies together making new bodies from them.
Can you see me buried under the pale bodies of my parents, under their pain and anguish and their cannibal desire to consume my passion before I could become a star?
Do hearts or stars ever say to their parts, go on, go if you like and be the center of your own universe? Be free.
What they’ve made, what they’ve collected, what they’ve gathered, they hold. If you are born into a body of death that is who you are. You must fight a civil war if you wish to transform. You will have to slash and burn the body you gestated in to be free.
It sounds monstrous doesn’t it? It is also monstrous laying at the bottom of the heap, grown to a size that can better feed the body of death, parents, preachers, and teachers feeding on the blood of your heart, tearing new wounds to sip from so that their rule is strengthened by your meager borrowed life.
When you are born into  dark world do you remember the space before your phantom life as a luminous wonderland? How many births have you suffered to be buried so deep under the heap? How many births have I suffered to be way down here, suffocating?
More important: how many deaths will I have to die to be released? How many selves shed, how many voices silenced, how many regimes of parents, preachers and teachers slashed away before I find the shinning emptiness at the center, the pure untouched well of being that has always been and will ever be and is none and nothing, entirely un.
When will I stop desiring the caresses of dead hands and the praise of phantom voices? When will I be free of my self?
Clawing, clawing towards the surface, angering ghosts as I go, feeling the loss of connection with the body that was as I move towards an unknown.
There is no conclusion. I am mad and madness has no limit. This limitlessness was born in the strictest confinement, containment and isolation.
I am looking for the sun that burns me into un. I am looking for the love that is death. Freeing black bird, devour me and carry me away from the wheel into the terrible luminosity of the Absolute.
Can you see it?
I was born under a pile of corpses, they nurtured and grew me into the malformed beast that I am. Heavy with death and blinded by darkness I could see nothing of objective reality and could not move.
In my stillness I am traveling. I am going beyond. Beyond the strictest confinement, containment and isolation into the burning dissolving madness of un.
Can you see it? Can you?

Tartarus

This place is Tartarus, where the sands shift constantly, engulfing that which you desire and offering up a strange emptiness to accentuate the loss of equilibrium. Precisely when you have at last found your footing and identified a new destination on the horizon, that is when it shifts again and your destination becomes unobtainable, the awkward present is all that you can aspire to. There is a great deadly desert in the north of Africa. This place suffers not only under the cruelty of the sun, but under the black and bleeding poison of hearts turned wicked by factors too numerous to tie into a clear knot.
Who gave these dark hearts the Kalashnikov rifles they use to brutalize villagers, old men, woman, and innocent babes? Certainly the desert did not offer them up, but to the desert the brutal feed their offerings. It is into the parched cracks of earth that the blood flows. It is into the dark throats of wells which reach deep to the earth’s gut that children are tossed while their mothers burn alive, lit up like orange hued incandescent Christmas lights bleating out a horrific music. Seeds are spilled to that same ground, when the women first run from the field without hope of escape from the rape and mutilation a horde of glowering youths have earmarked for them. They rend and waste without rhyme or reason, these sons of Abel, herders turned soldiers, the blood of ancient Kush seeping into the unquenchable soil, while nearby in the quietest desolation of abandonment, the tombs of forgotten kings stare questioningly at Jebel Barkal.
What began as a movement to turn the bottom to the top has disintegrated into chaos.
Once the great Empire of Egypt rested upon the brow of the Nubian Empire. Warriors were those men of this same desert who centuries ago boarded ships and traveled from the bottom of the Nile to the top. Before Thebes they bathed themselves in the life bestowing waters and dressed in fresh linens and proceeded to the temple at Karnak to make their offerings. Only after this had been done to the satisfaction of the lord Amun did they loose their arrows into the warlords of a splintered Egypt, those jackals that had been eating the empire from the inside with wanton abandon.
It was a Nubian king that restored pharaonic rule to a once fractured Egypt. This he did with the might of ebony skinned warriors, and then returned to Nubia ruling as Lord of The Two Lands from the tail of his new Empire, down in his beloved Kush.
Where is King Piye now? Sleeping, entombed under a Pyramid in the Nubian desert watching with lifeless eyes the ages of earth fly by in the shapes of storm clouds.
Most will laugh if you tell them that there are Pyramids in the Sudan, and that Egyptian Pharaohs rest in them. To speak of the Sudan now is to speak of the first genocide of the new century, of blood thirsty packs of Salawa hunting for the ones who sow the seeds, frightful gnarled islamic amulets dangling from their sweaty necks. The same rulers of the Sudan which armed these dogs with the bite of lead administer to the building of a dam which will swallow much of the buried kingdom of the black pharaohs of Egypt’s 25th dynasty. Constantly the sands shift, swallowing first one nation, then another.
Which history is revealed is left to the whim of Eris. Who now, and for what, shall they strive? All of the world along with its inhabitants is but a snow globe turned for the amusement of a boredom stricken Mistress of Averse.
If you can, find your footing in some place other than Tartarus.