Saturday, March 08, 2008


The boundaries extend recklessly, the walls begin to breathe and bend, ripples of thought forms vibrate outwards from my center and the walls, the books, the very air,… they all begin to curve to the rhythm of my inner music. A flash of intense burning energy and another wave of curling oscillations, twirling in the air like tiny snakes of translucent regions, all travelling outwards, shifting the space around them, twisting it back and forth like a drop of oil that rubs endlessly against the water. Another flash of energy and all of reality rises, rises, rises… let it breaks apart. The walls are now forgotten, the body left behind and the center is everywhere, within me and outside me, there can be no distinction, rising like efervecent boiling water through the last layers of constraining black smoke to the blue sky above, and ever outwards… let it segment, let it not be one and me and I … and let it find itself in the rivers, the forests, the snow covered peaks and the hot steaming swamp and beyond… make me again into slices of me and it and reform me, make me then find what is not and be it, as if the very which that was not has become alive and it is now bursting at the chains that held it down and finding that it is… it indeed is and it always has been.
And it flows, it creates, it bends, it melts, it finds new shapes in the colors that are forgotten and lets them vibrate harshly into noises that never were… and in spaces where there is no structure, tall buildings of fractured color sound emerge from the rivulets of breath, memory and distant future glories… let that which had become flat and lifeless shift back into new orgasmic life and let it pulse, engorged with heavenly blood and penetrating the very innermost fabric of what is… to its hidden heart, its opened secret that now expands and contracts in endless anticipation… let it now explode in a rain of color and riding waves of that which is not me but I am in it… that which is me but the Other rides within.
I am now the silent murmurings that have turned into roars, the gentle breezes that hide hurricanes of gentle thought and ferocious lust, of dances that transcend the danger of the body and find a home within the raging stars, the cauldrons of chaotic energy we came to call the suns and are now our home, my home, its home.
Is it me? Am I here? Is it truly me that now voyages through the multi colored dark night of this infinite orgy of laughter? And if it is, who am I? Who was I before?
Any attempt at an answer invokes me, the me that I knew as me, the one who still sits in a room, cross legged, eyes closed, and who for a moment has allowed its surface to take over, to regain a footing on the chaos and reform reality.
The surface pulls.
It is me. And if it is me, then I am alone. And if I am alone, I am in danger of eternal loneliness. And I am scared. The me that runs over the skin of this particular monkey has pulled in, like a drastic cold heavy ray, it has brought it back here, it has pulled back and away from the chaos. As the fear is reconstituted into personality and it is redefined as pride, it becomes a single monkey, a single proud monkey, proud of where he has been, where I have been, where it has been. But the monkey has been nowhere, the monkey has been sitting in a room, cross legged, with its eyes closed. The tiniest single silver thread of mass has brought it back from where it never was.
As I exhale, as it exhales, the me that is not me, the It, rises again… it wants to break away again. Down here it finds the flesh a prison, the weight of the molecules tied together into fixed shapes a form of death. And it wishes to grow out, to let the heat take it where it cannot go, but it will. Let it break apart and reform, carelessly, fearlessly, aimlessly. No purpose beyond the eternal purpose of raw Creation. No I beyond the single I that ever has been and never will change. No center beyond the center of the one place that is nowhere and everywhere at once. It has begun to rise again. Let it rise. Let the monkey skin peel away and as it breaks apart, let the fear, the pride, the jealousy fall apart, let it be discarded in all directions and none, let it reform into chains of colored sound and vibrant light, let it join the single legion of the shapeless and let it be one with it. Rise. Rise once again.

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