Star Making Machine

Here I am again. Such a painful curve of the wheel.
This too will pass. Down will soon be up, up will return to down. It would be best to be silent, hold still, don’t struggle against the tide. Open your eyes, open your mouth and breath, open your heart.
It hurts to be so nonexistent.
It only hurts when you are trying to prevent it. Don’t struggle.
I wanted to make something real.
That will never happen if you struggle and crack the vessel.
I feel lost at sea. And sinking.
Nothing lost and nothing gained yet.
Wake Up! Wake Up! Man the ship, damn you! Don’t listen to that song, the one that lulls you with desperation, with "oh it’s too late, all is lost, I’ve lost everything again…"
You see the alignment is off in this vehicle, it veers right, so you will have to compensate for that. Steer hard to the left. To the left, to the left! Turn it on its head, invert the cross.
It feels like insects are crawling on my skin. There’s a cold wind blowing through my veins. Someone has driven a stake through my heart.
"It’s your father." Julia says, " He was trying to protect you." Her hair is curly brown.
I pull the stake out and the insects come pouring out of my heart, crawl over the surface of my body and devour it.
But Saint Veshua watched it all from a distant hill top, his scarf flapping in the wind, spy glass poised for the view. What he saw was a blond girl from some great American novel kneel to pray, and at that moment her heart burst into flames which soon consumed the whole apparition. For a moment it reminded him of the Inquisition, then the formation changed, and the flaming girl collapsed into a brilliant star. The explosion was magnificent. It knocked Veshua clear off of his feet. The hillside was toast.
That’s right listen… it was a star making machine fed by the popular song. Quite a trick, like powering your car with the oil from french fries. It seems like an inappropriate use of materials, but that’s Magick.