Sunday, October 15, 2006

Turning the appetite

In the drowsy lifeless state common and popular in human beings on this planet, it can be challenging to even want to become alive. Wandering around as zombies, gnawing on each other's carcasses, it is difficult to remember that anything else ever was, or ever could be possible. Why would we want anything else? Why change and throw a wrench into the great decaying carnage processing machinery of life as we know it? Of course no one is entirely immune to zombiefication, although some have stronger immunity than others. Occasionally those who work against the common clock of carnage will slip back into the first stages of the disease.

If you feel yourself slipping or if you are deep in the throngs of zombiefication and suspect it, do the opposite of what you want to do. If you feel like sleeping, get up. If you feel like watching TV, turn it off. If you feel like going out, stay in. If you feel like staying in, go out.

Other suggestions for fighting off the stupor:
Mow the lawn in your pajamas.
Eat a bowl of cereal in the car while its parked in the driveway.
Take a shower in your underwear, (socks too).
Put cookies in a soap dish, soap in a crayon box, crayons in a vase, and a flower behind your ear.
Stand on your head and sing row row row your boat backwards.

Unless of course you already do these things.
In that case:
get a job, drink coffee on the way to work, and shout obscenities at other drivers.

The key is that the appetites of zombies keep them zombies. Eating magic beans instead of death may turn the appetite. There is no guaranteeing what your magic beans will look like, but it is certain that they will not look like your usual zombie fare, and initially you will not like the taste.


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